Someone emailed me these, and they are the funniest jokes I have read in a long time....
Jokes
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother.
Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: What did the gynecologist and the pizza delivery man have in common?
A: They both get to smell the goods but neither one of them can eat it.
Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What's the difference between Courtney Love & Wayne Gretzky?
A: Wayne takes a shower after 3 periods.
Q: What's somewhat brown and often found in children's underpants?
A: Michael Jackson's hand.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Q: What is the difference between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A: By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs,
all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch
sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A: You know she'll swallow.
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.
Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she's given her last blow job.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Q: How do you find a blonde in long grass?
A: Pleasing!
Q: What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies?
A: Bingo!
Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.
Q: What's the definition of a Yankee?
A: Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself.
Q: How does an ethnic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: What's a Japanese girl's favourite holiday?
A: Erection day.
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Life sucks, get a fucking helmet!
Heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over!
Dirty Jokes Posted Mon Nov 11, 02 1:47 PM
