SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART I

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.


SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.


SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.


What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with... "a recipe."

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale
begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one' s tall enough to go on the good rides

woo

woo

Don't get too excited now matt

-Ben

damn, thats some funny stuff. just spurted milkshake all over my keyboard now...

some of em are alright

I said "woo" and I stand by that.

woot woot

chug chug

Hey listen, there's the sound of this thread going down the toilet...

-Ben

SHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!................................................OK, i hear it too!!!

wow canadians call that offensive??? shit they most of never taken a trip south of the mason dixon line...hell come to my time ill teach you offensive

and i'll teach you how to speak canadian crazy soiuthern bastard

i only called it that cuz thats what it said when i pasted it from an email